2004-06-15

Cunnilingus




The clit and the tongue—

made for each other,
a perfect pair,
a marriage made in heaven.






















A version of this post with some slightly more explicit images
and possibly some additional text
is in the blog kwhadult.blogspot.com here.








A classical view:
(Nothing like the classics,
I always say. :-)


Google
Wikipedia
Cf. Facesitting





I hope women won’t mind a male thought on that situation.
It looks like a great way to provide satisfaction to the lady,
but I would be very happy if the woman used her own hand as she desired
to massage and stimulate her clitoris,
as she was instructing me as necessary as to the actions she desired
of my lips and tongue on her labia.
It seems to me the combination of clitoral massage with labial stimulation
might be even more fun!
Perhaps even more fun would be
the application of a sex toy, such as a vibrator, to her clitoris,
but those can be so noisy and the location is so close the man’s ears that
some ear protection for the man is likely warranted.



Some interesting web sites:
  • www.cunninlingustutor.com
    The basics.
  • Cunnilingus: A Guide to Orally Stimulating the Vulva,
    from the web site http://www.the-clitoris.com/.
  • www.sexinfo101.com/cunnilinguspositions.shtml
    Contains a fascinating list
    (with great, 3-D graphics)
    of positions for cunnilingus,
    many that I surely
    would never have dreamed of,
    with cute names such as “The Butler” and “Under the Hood”
    (“Eve's Ecstasy” is on the right;
    if you click on the image you will get
    an absolutely lovely animation of the action.
    Although I am merely a man, it seems to me that that would be
    absolutely lovely for the woman.
    A perhaps more accurate name for the position:
    “Come sit on my face.”).
    The positions, and animations of those positions,
    are arranged in table form here.
    If you’re looking for variety
    (and have a good back, or a relative who is a chiropracter),
    this is the place.
    Further,
    that website gives advice on how to perform cunnilingus:
    Cunnilingus I - Basics (they actually give exercises!) and
    Cunnilingus II - Advanced.
  • http://allamericanhunk.com/Cunnilingus.html
    It's introductory remarks:
    How to Eat Pussy
    Hey, I have a lot of respect for all you guys who like to eat pussy
    because there are too few of you out there.
    And I'm not the only woman who says this.
    Furthermore, some of you guys who are giving it the old college try
    are not doing too well, so maybe this little lesson will help you out.
  • At about.com:
    How To Perform Cunnilingus
    To be good at [cunnilingus]
    you have to be an excellent reader of
    her body, her breathing, her movements,
    and what she may be telling you with words.

    Everything you do is for your partner in that moment
    and not based on a performance expectations,
    lessons from porn,
    or previous oral sex experiences.
    ...
    When in doubt, go slow.
    A lot of women have very sensitive clits,
    so don’t attack her vulva as if it were a juicy ripe peach.
    Flatten your tongue and use wide slow strokes
    to explore her inner and outer lips, her vagina, and her clitoris.
    Imagine licking an ice cream cone.
    Start at the perineum and lick up and around her clit
    and back down the other side.
    ...
    Oral Sex Videos: Reviews of Educational Oral Sex Videos
  • www.purecunnilingus.com
    A commercial site, essentially a porn site,
    but focused on cunnilingus,
    offering (they claim) pictures of many encounters.
    Probably superseded by searching on “cunnilingus” at youporn.com.
  • www.the-clitoris.com
    (Aka www.thesexualgoddess.com)
    This web site contains, as a small part,
    an essay on cunnilingus linked to above,
    but as well it seems to
    contain a great deal of additional information that would be useful to
    any man seeking to know more about how best to be good to women.
    The reviews of adult videos promise some real tutorial videos,
    made by women, including some lesbians, e.g. Betty Dodson,
    on what (at least some) women really like.
    Who wrote all the material is unclear to me,
    at one point (“History of Website”)
    the site says its webmaster is a man,
    yet much of the content appears to be generated by women.
    (Who else would be competent to explain what women like?)
    In any case, to this man, it has the ring authenticity.
    It would be interesting to know what real women think of this site.
  • http://everything2.com/title/cunnilingus
    A medium length note, by a lesbian. Very informative.
  • The Vulva Museum
    Great for inspiration and beauty!
    Definitely worth a lick. :-)

    Somehow I always thought “the cup of Venus” was
    a poetic, evocative term for the female vulva,
    but a Google search shows it hardly appears on the web.
    Anyhow, that phrase no doubt :-) is the origin of the popular saying

    “Many a slip (nylon, taffeta, camisole, silk ...)
    twixt the cup and the lip.”

    :-)
  • The Venus Butterfly :-)
  • eroticinblackwhite.blogspot.com/2010/09/cunnilingual-feasts.html
  • fuckyeahcunnilingus.tumblr.com


Here is a question. What would it feel like to receive cunnilingus (or receive some other form of sexual stimulation :-) while listening to one or more of the following? Good experience, or too slow a tempo? In fact, ladies, what is the best music to accompany cunnilingus? Or (surely this is an interesting thought) what videos would you like to watch while you are receiving oral sex? Or try this playlist, combining Ockeghem’s Deo gratias and Taverner’s Missa Gloria tibi Trinitas: An interesting comparison: Let’s take as our starting point that America, as a nation, has many sexual problems. For example, how many prominent politicians, senators and governors, have been caught in adultery lately? Senator Vitter, Governer Spitzer, Senator Ensign, and Governor Sanford, to name four that came to light in the period July 2007 to June 2009. Would this straying have taken place if their marriages had given them an adequate sexual outlet? Another example: the bizarre trend of “sexless marriages”. (As of 2009-06-26, the Google query sexless marriage turns up about 200,000 results.) One can ask the question: what good is a marriage if it doesn’t provide sex? What’s gone wrong with America that so many couples in a marital relationship fail to find each other sufficiently attractive to want to continue marital relations? Finally, one can note that the marriage rate has declined so precipitously since, say, 1970. Is not part of the reason that men and women no longer are sufficiently attracted to each to want to engage in marriage? So what’s gone wrong? Well, obviously, there is no single factor, and to single out any one factor invites ridicule because it is, the claim will be, just a small part of the problem. Well, that’s true, but even so, let’s consider one small piece (so to speak) of the big picture: American men and women aren’t having us much fun with each other as they used to. Now, we know how the feminists will respond to that: It’s all the men’s fault, those insensitive, power-crazed clueless Neanderthals. If only they would empower women, all would be well. Does that explain why, say, Bill and Hillary Clinton (oops, Senator Clinton, now Secretary Clinton) had such a notably successful marriage? The power issue certainly applies to some women, but surely not all. What are some other problems that arise? I would suggest, based on my reading (let’s leave it at that) that
  • American men have been less than overwhelmingly successful
    at, ahem, satisfying their women;
  • American women,
    finding that sex is not all that it is cracked up to be (heh),
    have diminished desire for it;
  • and
  • then the men, in turn,
    finding that their wives and/or significant others
    seem all too often
    to have something better to do than that boring old sex act,
    start looking elsewhere for some variety, if nothing else.
So, maybe, female sexual satisfaction, or the lack thereof, is at the least a part of the problem. So how do we generally clueless men go about satisfying our wives/girlfriends (beyond spending money on them)? Let me emphasize that I am no expert on this subject, nor do I have any kind of social science training. But going back to the level of the conventional wisdom, the word is that cunnilingus is more likely to satisfy women than straight, male-penetrative coitus. Coitus, of course, is the necessary condition for bearing children, or at least was before the fertility docs got into the picture, and so has been fairly universally recommended by religious authorities and, following that, legal authorities, and perhaps also the social authorities. But with child-bearing, for good reason or bad, now of less importance to society, and with women clearly generally indicating less interest in sex than men, why not put the focus on how to give them a better sexual experience? After all, sex isn’t, in truth, a zero-sum game, where more pleasure for the woman means less pleasure for the man. Why not go to a win-win strategy, where the goal is to maximize female pleasure, and assume that they will be generous enough to thank men for that, in the way that they have used for so long. Let’s make female pleasure and satisfaction as important as that of the man. But how do we do that? Putting women on top surely helps in that matter, but it may not be enough. There’s still the boredom factor to consider (same old, same old). So we’re back to having your cake and eating it too (if you don’t mind the analogy). But how to do that effectively? Let me digress to a personal story. When I had my first sexual experience, I had no problem figuring out what I was supposed to do, and making sure the encounter resulted in my satisfaction. Tens of thousands of years of evolution, I think, left the knowledge of what it takes to achieve ejaculation in the appropriate spot hard-wired in my mind. But the requirement in the past, evidently, did not require female satisfaction. Whether women had a climax was surely immaterial to whether new humans would issue. Well, now we are more evolved, and women are demanding their rights to satisfaction too. And why not? But how to give it to them? (Or should I say, how to help them achieve it?) Again, evolution didn’t give me a clue. I had no clue on what would help my partner achieve her satisfaction (at the time she just seemed happy to be with me, but that was a long time ago). Again, the experts suggest that cunnilingus provides a better, surer way of helping women achieve their satisfaction. But how best to perform it? The current practice at instructing men on this task seems to be to trust that his partner can teach him all that he needs to know about it, that if he is only sensitive to her wants and needs in general that he will surely grok what she wants. Well, to some extent that no doubt is true. But even so I think that some general instruction would be helpful. And consider her situation: How is she supposed to know what techniques will be best for her? Couldn’t she use some guidance and advice here too, on what has worked best for other women?

“Friends of Cunnilingus”

Might I suggest that women consider forming an organization called “Friends of Cunnilingus.” Its purpose: not advancing female power (plenty of other organizations are working on that) but advancing female happiness by improving their level of satisfaction with their sex lives, in particular by promoting and cultivating the effective use of cunnilingus. Its goal: increasing the sexual satisfaction of women. It would include research on how the cunnilingus experience could be improved, education of women on the same, training of men on how they can best perform the act in the most effective way possible, and local events promoting cunnilingus information. As a man, far be it from me to know whether this is really a good, or cost-effective, idea. But here are some questions for any woman who happens to be reading this:
  1. Do you have any questions about cunnilingus?
    If so, where would you get it or them answered?
    On the web?
  2. Suppose you wanted some help tutoring/training your mate
    on a method that sounded interesting.
    Where would you get that help?
  3. Would it be a good idea to have an organization dedicated to providing such information which was controlled entirely by women, without any political, religious, or corporate influence?

Research

Clearly what is needed is an institute for research into the various ways cunnilingus can be used to enhance women’s sexual pleasure. If I might exercise a little imagination into what such an institute might be called: How about: Cunnilingus Laboratory in Innovative Technology: Laboratory for Increasing Clitoral Knowledge—Information Techniques—General or Optimal Data :-)

Education


Training

Training Videos
Picture this: A couple check out a web site cataloging videos showing alternative ways of doing cunnilingus. Picking out one they are interested in trying, they download the material from the web. First they print out the product description: An overview of how it is done, including a script for the action. Then they play the video. It shows a couple doing it the chosen way, from start to finish. Being professionally produced, it includes split-screen, slow-motion and stop-action at appropriate places. An important part is a narration which describes what they are doing. For parts which are complex or unclear, various high-tech video presentation techniques can be used, including animation. At the end, the actors describe in words how it felt, and make comments as appropriate. With that thorough tutorial on what is involved, the couple can make a decision on whether they want to try it, and if they do, they certainly have a better grasp on what is involved and how to do it than would be picked up from a printed book.

Popularization

Cunnilingus Calendar
Now here’s an idea: How about a calendar featuring cunnilingus? Each month of the year would bring a nice illustration showing a different way to experience cunnilingus (e.g.), providing a steady stream of new ideas. The illustrations could be either photos or drawn illustrations, water colors, reproductions of oils, whatever. (All in good taste, no doubt :-) For December, of course, we would see Santa giving a lady a Christmas present she might really appreciate! (Offering new opportunities for wordsmiths to permute the words “Christmas” “present” and “box” :-). Calendars of course often feature text as well as the monthly illustration. Great! Each month could have a little text explaining that method, its advantages and disadvantages. Some might see such a product as pornography. I just see a nice way to promote a mutually pleasant pastime. And with Americans having ever less money to spend on luxury goods, what’s wrong with that?

Shere Hite: The Hite Report [on Female Sexuality]

From The Hite Report: A National Study of Female Sexuality, 2004 paperback edition, by Shere Hite. Note: In reprinting this material in this blog, I am definitely not suggesting that women are in any way at fault for these figures. Rather, the intent is simply to report the facts and interpretations that Ms. Hite found and made, with the thought that, if women are in any way unhappy with this situation, at least now we have some description of what the situation is. This is not some sort of “blame the women” effort. As to the cause of the “problem”, if there is any, I would look first at the men, for having either not the knowledge or not the desire to do what would have led to the results that the women wanted.

Part ?? Clitoral Stimulation


Chapter ?? Orgasm from cunnilingus


Section ?? How many women orgasm regularly from cunnilingus?
The other widely practiced form of clitoral stimulation is cunnilingus— oral sex. Do women have orgasms frequently during oral sex? The percentages here are similar to those for clitoral stimulation by hand: whereas 44 percent of the women orgasmed regularly with clitoral stimulation by hand, 42 percent orgasmed regularly during oral stimulation.
Frequency of Orgasm During Cunnilingus
Total
Pop.
Never Orgasm
In Any Way
Didn’t
Answer
Never
Had
C.
Don’t
Orgasm
During
C.
Do
Orgasm
During
C.
Q. I 690 82 75 15 121 397
Q. II 919 102 115 24 131 547
Q. III 235 30 39 7 28 131
Total 1844 214 229 46 280 1075
12% 12% 2% 15% 58%
Breakdown of Frequency of Orgasm During Cunnilingus
Q. I Q. II Q. III Total
“Yes” 350* 50 10 410
Always 6 95 16 117
Usually 3 201 57 261
Sometimes 24 122 34 180
Rarely 14 79 14 107
Total 397 547 131 1074
Percentage of total population
who orgasm regularly
during cunnilingus.
52%* 38% 35% 42%
Once again, the problem with counting accurately here was, as with clitoral stimulation by hand, the fact that most oral stimulation was done for arousal and not for orgasm. That is, although most women loved cunnilingus, especially since there was hardly ever any chance for pain as with manual clitoral stimulation, all too often cunnilingus was offered by the partner for very short intervals, and that not continuously on the clitoris, as “foreplay.” So here again it was at times unclear whether the woman’s answer meant how often she had orgasms during cunnilingus, if given the chance. In addition, Questionnaires I and II used only the term “cunnilingus” and did not provide the definition “oral sex,” as did Questionnaire III. Some women did not know what “cunnilingus” was, and even in Questionnaire III, when it was defined “oral sex,” a few women responded regarding fellatio— perhaps never having experienced oral sex themselves. But the most common reaction was that oral sex was most often a form of “foreplay,” not done long enough for orgasm or with the understanding that it would be “acceptable” for the woman to have an orgasm then: [1] “I’ve gotten to dislike cunnilingus because I’ve gotten so aroused without coming. Men seem to think that once they’ve done that for a while that’s all, they can just climb back on and come, having done their best for the good of the cause. I guess it’s this feeling I have that they are doing it in a mechanical way because they read that it’s a nice thing to do to women and that all women really like it, and that they are good guys to do it.” [2]

“I wish I could be told sometimes in the middle of the day or in bed at night, ‘Lie down, relax, enjoy; I’m going to give you head for an hour.’ Ah-h-h-h....”

And often, perhaps more often than not, it was done in conjunction with fellatio—“69”— making it a little difficult to really concentrate on having an orgasm oneself. However, cunnilingus was still described very frequently as one of the most favorite and exciting activities; women mentioned over and over again how much they loved it:

[1] “A tongue offers gentleness and precision and wetness and is the perfect organ for contact. And, besides, it produces sensational orgasms!” [2] “Cunnilingus is very sweet, tender, and tense.” [3] “It’s sexy! What can I say!” [4] “It’s erotic because it’s forbidden— another kind of soul kissing.” [5] “It arouses me greatly, but I get tense and don’t have orgasms. I have some feeling that neither I nor my husband should be enjoying it!” [6] “It really puts me in orbit, and I always have an orgasm!”


. . . One reason women like cunnilingus so much was that they felt that for someone to want to put his or her mouth there was very meaningful. It implied a special kind of acceptance: [1] “The fact that someone can love ‘that’ part of me means a lot.” [2] “I enjoy cunnilingus immensely for the obvious physical reason, and for a mental reason as well. The male is exhibiting positive feelings to my femaleness. Its particular odor and architecture is as attractive to him as it is to me. He feeds at the font of my biological femaleness….” [3] “It seems more intimate than the sex act. It’s as close as one can get physically to another.” [4] “I like to see his face and mouth down there and know that he’s exploring me— with his tongue, his mouth and eyes…”
Section ?? What Kind of Cunnilingus Do Women Like?
What are the best “techniques” for cunnilingus? Once again, there are individual preferences, and much depends on the situation, mood, and feelings of the person doing it. [1] “Massages like licking or sucking are great because they involve a constant breaking of contact, which keeps the sensation from being too monotonous. Every time the tongue touches, it is a new and pleasurable sensation, which eventually leads to orgasm. Any great change in position would be distracting, but the slight breaks and expectations are exciting.” [2] “Starting in the lower folds, with your lips and tongue work upward from side to side opening me fully; when the apex of the folds are reached, go all around the clitoris with a simultaneous stomach and buttock massage, then put my clitoris between your lips for my climax.” [3] “Oral stimulation should include the nose, mouth, and chin. The tongue should not be flexed and pointed!” [4] “I like oral stimulation to be soft and delicate but it must be constant.” [5] “I love being eaten with a very rapid licking tickling tongue on my clitoris, accompanied by slurpy noises and throaty sounds.” [6] “Since she has learned how to exert heavy pressure with her jaw to bring me to orgasm if I have trouble with light pressure, I always orgasm. Also, her tongue can touch more area than her finger, which helps.” [7] “I lie on my back with my partner between my legs, flicking his tongue very gently over the same area, over and over. I like not doing anything else except concentrating on the sensation until I orgasm.” [8] “I dislike it when my partner’s tongue digs too close to the clitoral nerve inside the hood—it really hurts.” [9] “Orally, he vibrates his tongue very fast (great!) and/or sucks. He also blows air into my vagina, which is strange, yet exciting.” [10] “I like a slow, steady rhythm, very gentle and circular in motion, right at the front part of my private parts, then moving down to my opening, with a deep penetration of his tongue just before I come.” [11] “Nibbling and nuzzling on the clitoris, like simulated chewing is good— but gently and tenderly.” [12] “I like soft gentle kisses above the hair and between my legs. Long laps of tongue up and down my vagina and anus. Should be moist and with sound.” [Slurp, slurp? Lap, lap? Lick, lick? Yum, yum? Mmmm, mmmm good?] [13] “If my partner will apply clitoral stimulation with his tongue, and at the same time gently rub my nipples, I can achieve an orgasm within a few seconds. [!!] Some men try to stimulate my vagina, but that really does very little for me.”
Quite a few women mentioned that oral stimulation was better than stimulation by hand: [1] “A tongue is much gentler than a finger usually and also involves a bigger area.” [2] “The tongue is warmer, wetter, and softer than a penis or finger and makes more delicate motions.” [3] “Oral stimulation is best, mainly because most men do not have a clue what to do manually and are often too rough, whereas the tongue is more gentle.” [4] “The tongue molds to my shape the way fingers can’t.” [5] “I prefer the tongue because it’s smaller and more versatile than the penis.” [6] “I like it because it is less painful and abrasive than manual stimulation. A tongue feels more alive and direct, not just power and pushing.” [7] “Oral stimulation is better than manual because manual is sometimes too intense, giving more sensation than pleasure feelings.” [8] “I like the tongue’s mobility and sensitivity and constant lubrication. I like that it’s possible for my clitoris to be directly touched with tongue or lips without causing pain, and because during it I feel completely open and vulnerable to my partner. It symbolized my being known completely, being accepted and seen openly.”
But one drawback was the inability really to caress the other person, because she/he was of necessity too far away. [1] “I dislike not being able to feel my partner’s body next to mine and his lips on mine. I like the fact that he wants to do it to me and the feeling of his mouth and breath there.” [2] “I feel disconnected from him, as though I were alone.” [3] “I like to have my partner’s body close and enveloping during orgasm— which is possible in this position.” …
Is cunnilingus a passive activity? Not necessarily. Some women described moving during oral sex: [1] “I love rubbing my clitoris on his mouth with him sucking it and rubbing his tongue around.” [2] “I sit on his shoulders while he’s lying down, with my legs apart. But near orgasm, I begin to close my legs a little. I like to move myself against his tongue, up and down, but I don’t move very much. I hate a man to throw my legs around or move me very much when he’s giving me head. I’ve been with some guys who push my legs up like I was in stirrups ready to give birth, I resent their trying to play a manipulative role like that. They’ve got to let me do it!” [3] “I would like to try it standing up, with the man on his knees (reverse blow job) but men seem to find this position demeaning.” [Actually, that sounds like almost perfection to me. Think of the control she would have! Since she is on her feet, she can move in all three dimensions— back and forth, side to side, up and down. And she can hold my head firmly with her hands, moving it also. She can combine the motions— her hips, clit, and lips, my head, lips, and tongue. And best of all, she can get exactly the pressure she wants, exactly where she wants it. She can tell me to hold my tongue at a fixed position, while she determines the pressure and where it is applied. Talk about control! Or, if all that is too much or she gets tired, it’s back to the bed, on her back, and let me do the work. (Note also: This method might also be known as The Full Employment for Chiropracters Method.)] [4] “I also like cunnilingus because I usually get it sitting up, which lets me be more in control than lying down.” [5] “I like him to grip my ass hard, such on my clitoris, and just let me move!”

Cunnilingus: A Guide to Orally Stimulating the Vulva

Nothing can compare to the feeling of a warm wet tongue sliding across a woman’s vulva and clitoris.


Here is an excerpt from Cunnilingus: A Guide to Orally Stimulating the Vulva, part of www.the-clitoris.com. Paragraph numbers and emphasis are added. [1] Cunnilingus is perhaps the most enjoyed form of partner sex women engage in.

Nothing can compare to the feeling of a warm wet tongue sliding across a woman’s vulva and clitoris.

With the exception of masturbation, oral sex probably results in more female orgasms than any other sexual practice. ... [8]

Contrary to common belief, and many women’s expectations, cunnilingus is not a natural skill that every man and lesbian is born with. Cunnilingus is a learned skill. If you do not take the time to teach or learn this skill, you will never fully enjoy the benefits.

Every woman is different, so no matter how good someone was at giving a woman oral pleasure in the past, they still need to relearn their technique if they change partners. Women cannot compare notes tit for tat as they are never exactly the same in likes and dislikes. There are physical and psychological reasons for this. While everyone would like to read a detailed “How-To-Guide,” there is no way of creating one that is accurate for all women. At most, one can only give ideas and basic hints. Finding and reading women’s first hand accounts is perhaps the best way to get new ideas, but the individual woman is the only one who can tell you what is enjoyable for her and works best. [Is it well understood what those “physical and psychological reasons” asserted above are? In other words, how deterministic is all this? If a woman’s preferences really are determined by physical and psychological factors, how about publishing, in a conveniently available place, those relations. That would seem to save both parts of the cunnilingual act some time, if the woman could just point to a description of the cunnilingual methods she prefers based on her “physical and psychological factors”.] [9] Communication is very important to pleasurable cunnilingus, and sex in general. A woman must guide her lover in the same manner as she would guide a blind person driving a car down a busy city street, with a lot of detailed and accurate instruction. While women often feel uncomfortable giving out sexual commands and demands, they need to be sexual “drill instructors” if they expect to get what they want and need in bed. The guidance can come in the form of verbal commands, auditory sounds, hand gestures, and body movements. Auditory sounds are very useful, especially if the receiving woman is hesitant, feels “pushy” giving commands, or doesn’t want to distract herself from feeling her pleasurable sensations by trying to speak. If the situation is private and/or soundproofed, vocal sounds can provide a lot of feedback if the recipient wants to give it; oooing, cooing, moaning, purring, trilling, grunting, panting, shouting, screaming or singing in a variety of volumes and speeds in response to what she likes can speak volumes and “play” your pleasure giver’s mouth like a remotely-controlled musical instrument duet. If something feels good, say “Yes,” if something does not, tell them what does. Always be positive. Grasp your lover’s head with your hands and guide their mouth to where you want it. If you want them to stay put, wrap your legs around them and hold their body in place. While women fear chasing a partner away by being too demanding in bed, they can also lose them if they are totally unresponsive to their lover’s efforts. The person performing cunnilingus should look into their partner’s eyes for guidance, asking her if she likes what they are doing. Women should be honest with their partner, never faking pleasure or orgasm. [10] Since cunnilingus or “oral love making” can go on for extended periods of time, both partners need to find a comfortable position to be in. For some couples, oral sex is the only form of sexual activity they engage in together, so finding a comfortable position is extremely important.

The best are perhaps those in which the recipient is in a dominant position, which is kneeling or lying over [her] partner.

This gives [her] the greatest freedom of movement and control. Ideally, both partners are fully relaxed during cunnilingus. If one or both partners are uncomfortable, it becomes more a chore than a pleasure. You do not want the person performing cunnilingus to get a sore or stiff neck holding their mouth up to their partner’s vulva. You do not want the recipient to get tired holding her own weight up for long periods of time. Take some time to find a comfortable position before actually starting to have sex. Your health, age, weight, and flexibility will determine which position(s) are best for you. Using a fancy position gains you nothing if you tire or your muscles become stiff and sore. [11] Some positions to consider:
  • The recipient may want to
    kneel over her partner’s head,
    lowering her vulva down
    onto their mouth.

    [Yum, yum.]
    She can either face away from or towards her partner’s feet.
    The position that works best will depend on the angle of her vulva,
    and the angle of her partner’s mouth.
    You may want to place a pillow
    under the head
    of the person performing cunnilingus,
    to raise it up to the level of the recipient’s vulva.
    You may want to place a big soft pillow,
    or a folded comforter/quilt under the recipient’s body
    so she can rest her weight on it while keeping her pelvis elevated.
    For extended sessions
    you do not want either of you to be actively supporting
    any part of your own or your partner’s body weight.

    [For a 19th-century drawing showing this, click here (source).
    Note the gentleman’s cock is fully erect,
    showing the excitement the act of giving cunnilingus can produce,
    even without any direct stimulation to the penis
    but simply from psychological factors and the stimulation of his tongue.
    Truly, pleasuring a woman that you care for produces its own pleasure.
    Sometimes, to give is to receive; giving is its own reward.

    Note also the following artwork:
    ]
  • [For the other positions described, see the original web page.]
[12] The actual techniques employed vary from couple to couple. The sensitivity of a woman’s vulva and clitoris will determine what type of stimulation she likes and is most responsive to. There are women who like a slow soft touch, others like a fast firm touch. The structure of her genitals will determine what is possible. A woman with well-developed inner labia may like to have them sucked on; a woman with small or absent inner labia will not be able to experience this. If a woman has [a] clitoris that projects outward or is well developed, her partner will be able to suck on it like a small penis. If a woman has a small or hidden clitoris, her partner may only be able to lap at it. There is one important rule though, unless you intend to tease her, keep up your rhythm and intensity once you start bringing her close to orgasm. Nothing upsets a woman more during cunnilingus than having her partner break their rhythm, or wander off the spot, when they are on the verge of orgasm. [13 and 14] Do not seek out a woman’s clitoris immediately. If a woman is not adequately aroused her clitoris will either be overly sensitive or totally insensitive to all forms of stimulation. You need to wait for her hormones to get flowing and for her genitals to become engorged with blood. Make a slow and lengthy journey to her clitoris. Discover her clitoris by accident. [The remainder of paragraph 13, and the following paragraph 14, contain a detailed and extremely explicit (in terms of naming specific parts of the human females genitals) description of one possible method for performing cunnilingus. Because of its explicitness, and because I have added a rather startling photograph that shows exactly the locations and appearance of those parts, that description has been moved to a separate post: Methods of Cunnilingus.]
[15] If a woman already knows what she likes, listen to her instructions. If she has never experienced cunnilingus, or at least a pleasurable session, slow experimentation is in order. Even couples who are quite in tune with each other may at times want to try new techniques. When you experiment, try moving your tongue over her vulva in every manner you can think of. There are lots of ways, and there is only one way to find out what works best for her, trial and error. [16] If both partners are in a comfortable position and fully relaxed, you may not be able to spread the woman’s outer labia to get at the treasures within, using your hands, so you will need to bury your face in her vulva, finding her clitoris and inner labia with your lips and tongue. A woman may be able assist with her own hands, but this too may be tiring. If a woman’s legs are comfortably spread her vulva will spread open naturally and her outer labia draw apart when she is highly aroused. [17] Since your tongue may grow tired, be sure to use your lips and tongue to caress and suck on her delicate tissues in alternation. If you extend your tongue fully, and you are not accustomed to this, your tongue will soon get tired. It is better to get your mouth as close to her clitoris and labia as possible. Use short strokes with your tongue slightly extended. [18] A woman may enjoy it when you insert your tongue into her vagina and stimulate her vaginal walls. You may not be able to insert your tongue very far, but usually the most sensitive tissues are near the entrance anyway. There are women who enjoy it when you insert your finger(s) into her vagina and stimulate her vaginal walls, and possibly her G-Spot, while you suck on her clitoris. Some enjoy it when you insert your lubricated finger(s) into her anus and/or massage her anus while performing cunnilingus. [19] You can also include the use of dildos, vibrators, and butt plugs. A woman may enjoy the feeling of being stretched open or filled while being orally stimulated. A vibrator may make orgasm possible during cunnilingus when it would otherwise be impossible. While the vibrator alone may result in orgasm, the combination may be more pleasurable and result in a stronger orgasm. [20] Many couples enjoy engaging in the so called “69” or “Yin/Yang” position during oral sex. These terms allude to the practice whereby both partners orally stimulating each other at the same time, lying head to toe. There are couples who find this very enjoyable, feeding off each other’s arousal and orgasm. Others find they cannot concentrate on what they are doing to their partner, and get so caught up in their own pleasure they forget to stimulate their partner. Some become so distracted by what they are doing that they themselves cannot experience orgasm. So again, only trial and error will tell you if this technique is suitable for you and your partner.
[The remainder of the web page seems to consist of contributions by other sources, sources other than the author (whomever that may be) of the main text excerpted above.]

Advice from the Lesbians

I think most people assume that lesbians are the reigning experts when it came to cunnilingus, but it seems even they sometimes are less than perfect, or at least feel the need to give advice to their community. What follows is the full content of an article at lesbianlife.about.com.
Belge-on-Cunnilingus
Cunnilingus: Lesbian Oral Sex How to Make Oral Sex More Enjoyable By Kathy Belge, About.com (also see her blog) Spend some time and get your lover excited before making the plunge. Tease her whole body before you head south. When having oral sex with your lover, it’s not all about her clitoris. Let your mouth and tongue explore her whole labia, clitoris and vagina. Slowly lick up her thighs and kiss her vulva. Spread her legs and open her lips with your fingers. Take a look. Tell her how beautiful she looks. Use your tongue. Your whole tongue. Flatten it out. Use just the tip. Lick her like an ice cream cone. Flick it like a butterfly wings. Use gentle strokes. As her excitement builds, add more pressure. Focus more on the area around her clit. How to tell if she likes it: With your head smashed between her thighs, it may be hard to see what her response is. Feel for the clues. If she raises her hips to meet your lips, that is good. If her vagina gets wet and her vulva swells, she’s getting aroused. If she starts moaning and trembling, keep doing what you’re doing. Rapid breathing and writhing around are good things. If she grabs your hair and pushes you in for more, things are definitely going well. Take her clitoris in your mouth. Suck gently. Release. Gentle flicking can send her over the edge. Use your hands. Place your hands under her butt and gently lift her towards your mouth. Reach up and stroke her nipples. Put a finger in her vagina or her anus. [Note: DO NOT go from her anus to her vagina-- you can spread unwanted bacteria.] Rhythm is the key. Tune in to her responses. All women are different. Have her tell you what she likes and wants more of. Some women love having their clits stroked, others are too sensitive. What turned her on one day, may not work the next. Some love a finger or two or three inside them, others do not. Some women love the feel of a finger in their anus, others jump to the ceiling with a screech. Communication is necessary for great sex. If you’re new to this, or even if you’re not, talk to your partner. See what worked, what you might do differently and have fun perfecting your skills!

Defamatory Terms for Cunnilingus

Women may well wonder why men have not been better at cunnilingus. Perhaps part of the reason is that they were conditioned to view it in negative terms in their youth. For example, when I was growing up the 1950s and 1960s, the terms commonly used for what we now call cunnilingus were pussy- or cunt- licker or muff-diver, and all were used with scorn. Apparently oral sex was not held in a very high repute back then. From the results of those Google searches, the terms are still quite common, e.g. If the hypothetical organization “Friends of Cunnilingus” really existed, surely one of its first orders of business would be to try to get the media and general culture to refrain from using such negative terms. I have no idea what the girls back then called it; it would be interesting to know if it was viewed so negatively by women, and what effect that had and has on the attitudes of women towards it even today.

Cunnilingual Art

In browsing through various web pages which discuss cunnilingus, I was struck by some of the very attractive artistic depictions of it. (I have to admit, I found this image particularly enchanting for a number of reasons. Something for the brave (or foolhardy) to try out at the next gala? Now that’ll spice up The Reliable Source.) The images that were here have been moved to a dedicated web page: “Cunnilingual Art.” Here is a small question: Would it be a good idea for some people who are interested in both art and, perhaps, cunnilingus, to, if they felt like it, set up a web site, say www.cunnilingualart.org, which would provide a virtual exhibition of how artists have depicted the act over the years? (In case you couldn’t guess, I think that would be a neat idea.) Perhaps even some people today interested in both might feel like adding their contributions to such a site, providing a virtual salon for aspiring artists.
If I might be permitted to nominate a potential topic for such art, consider this (probably too far out) idea. Remember back around 1980, when Maidenform ran a series of ads (e.g.) based on the theme “The Maidenform Woman: You never know where she'll turn up” (cf.), (preceded by the “I dreamed I [?] in my Maidenform bra.” ad campaign (more))? How about a series of artistic images, drawings or even, God forbid, photographs, updating the 19th century drawing referenced above, but to today’s world, based on the same idea as the Maidenform ad? Think of drawings showing women being pleasured in a variety of contemporary settings: The office, college, restaurants, bars, ballrooms, concerts, sporting events, courtrooms, law offices, doctor’s offices .... And, of course, that obvious candidate: The female executive, leaning back in her executive chair, obviously thoroughly enjoying herself as she is pleasured by what appears to be the office boy, proudly and happily performing his male duties and delighted to be the one chosen for this worthwhile task, helping a lady reach complete satisfaction, giving her temporary relief and respite from the cares, stresses and tensions of her job, enabling her to better focus on her remaining tasks. (She thinks of it as her little “Stress Break”, her answer to the common coffee break). And he, of course, is absolutely delighted to be of assistance to her, especially in being in communion with her in the most intimate way possible, that she would place her trust in and expectations on him in this most intimate manner. Not only that, he is absolutely delighted that such an experienced lady as she is giving him such an excellent and useful course on “What Women Like.” He loves to give her pleasure. For their next session, she has a suggestion: While he is licking and sucking her clitoris, what would he think of using her G-spot vibrator to stimulate her inside, on her G-spot? He, of course, says that would be a wonderful idea, if she would enjoy it. (I wonder how many women would enjoy such multiple stimulation activity? Has research been done on this?) (Think Hogarth updated, or Bill and Monica, in reverse.) In fact, this almost begs for a whole series, called, say, “The Lusty Executive”, showing her on-going adventures and escapades: From merely receiving oral stimulation, to the orgasm itself, then on to multiple orgasms, as many as she wants. (By the way, if the older woman/younger man motif sounds radical or new-fangled, please recall the Marschallin and Octavian from Richard Strauss’s great opera Der Rosenkavalier.) (I wonder if this is only a male fantasy, or if there are some women who think, if not carry out, such thoughts?) I want to stress again, and do it in very personal terms this time, how deeply satisfying it can be to a man to be of assistance to, fulfill the needs and desires of, satisfy, women. Indeed, I think the word “service” is entirely appropriate for the act of cunnilingus. The man truly wants to perform a service for a deserving lady, one who deserves the maximum “treat” the man can provide, helping her to the satisfaction and pleasure that she so deserves. [By the way, just what would be the attitude of the feminists to such a situation? Remember their iron-clad (to them) laws that: 1. Any sex which is not consensual to both parties is at a minimum sexual harassment, if not rape. 2. There is no such thing as consensual sex between a person of higher rank and one of lower, at least in an office setting. Do those laws still apply when the genders are reversed from the traditional ones? If not, is that not a textbook case of a double standard? My response, at least until someone presents a counter-argument, is that a single standard should apply, but one far looser than that demanded by classical feminists.] Back to the topic of the cunnilingual version of the Maidenform bra ad: After all, if the 19th century could envision cunnilingus at a ball, why not in other settings today? And I have a feeling some artists might find it interesting to create such art. By the way, here are some figures in popular culture who are possible topics for depiction: Archie and Veronica (or Betty) Clark Kent and Lois Lane Any of the men in the Judge Parker comic strip, with their ladies (say, Trudi St. James, April Bower, Mimi, or Katherine Parker and April Bower-- more April: 20090221, 22; more Trudi: 20070810, 0913; then there’s an interesting story line involving Sam’s old law school classmate Red Duncan (here I’ve identified some of the strips with commentary): 20071009, 1019, high drama, 1023, 1024, Legal Ethics 101, “no villain need be; passions spin the plot”, some lawyers will do anything for their clients, an ABA-approved dress?, Red loses a job, but wins Sam’s approval, is that a see-through dress? (e.g.), good looking women always have options, buns, Trudi steps in and makes Sam an offer (which he turns down)). Judge Parker on 2009-11-10 introduces a new character. Wonder if she’d like a lick? :-) More panels: 2009-11-23: seated, short, tight skirt, standing: is that hemline short enough? 2010-01-12: pants that fit (can you say “cameltoe”?) 01-13: relaxing with wine 01-14: Being a lawyer is a tough job, but somebody has to do it. Just some ideas...

Wow!

Talk about getting attention, focusing the mind, and giving cup-lappers something to ponder! How’s that for fit and forty? Note the relation of the hem to the tips of her slightly-curled fingers, to give you an idea of how much is left. How many inches above the knee is that? Jeez, my balls hang lower than that.

Cunnilingus as Performance Art

That seems like a terrific idea, for those who are interested. Like a drama that has no definite stopping point, no way of knowing exactly how it will turn out, but with real people. (A reality show?) And also educational: there are so many ways of performing cunnilingus, the drawings and manuals are less than totally clear sometimes. Why not see how all those unusual ways actually look? Verbalizing, the woman could, if she wanted, describe how things felt as they went along, giving her own running commentary, bringing the audience into the action. (I must admit to being curious about women’s feelings about such things. When I was growing up, in the 1950s and 1960s, information about what women really liked, as opposed to what they were told they should like, was totally unavailable. It was, like, the sole purpose of sex was procreation. Anything else was unimportant. Are guidance on sex was basically: Warm her up, get her lubricated, then plunge in. Could it be that wasn’t optimal for female happiness?) Also, how easy it would be for members of the audience to identify with the actors, and encourage them in their actions! Seems like this could only happen in a private setting. Even then, are there laws against this sort of thing? Can it be publicized? (Word of mouth seems the wrong term here.)

Learning about cunnilingus

If you want to learn about ways to do cunnilingus, let me recommend: Visiting youporn.com, entering “cunnilingus” in the search box (hmm...), and then viewing some of the video clips that feature women performing cunnilingus on women. I just did that, and found it most informative. It presented pictures, and practices, far different from those in male-directed and male-pleasure-centric pornography and, I would imagine, far healthier and more pleasurable for the women involved. Some items of interest, based on viewing just a few of the videos available:
  1. The positions used by the women,
    where most often the receiving woman was in a vertical position [cf.],
    lowering her presumably eager snatch
    onto the presumably also eager mouth of the giving woman.
  2. The extensive self-stimulation sometimes practiced by both women,
    in addition to the mouth-to-genital stimulation.
    [A side question:
    Sometimes the bottom would quite vigorously manually stimulate herself.
    Do female bottoms ever desire to receive oral stimulation themselves,
    simultaneous with the oral stimulation they are providing to their top?
    Or even, if they are so inclined,
    to receive classical coitus simultaneous with their oral activities?
    (Which might be designated FFM sex.)
    (A further variation, a male bottom and two lady tops, or FMF sex,
    is described here.)]
  3. The interspersing of the oral stimulation
    with manual stimulation of the clit and vulva,
    and dildo play in the vagina.
  4. The evident joy and happiness that the women seemed to exude
    as they pleasured each other.
I don’t know how others would react, but I found it most heart-warming to see women seeming to enjoy themselves so thoroughly, even if men were not involved. My most hearty thanks to the women for volunteering to demonstrate their sexual practices and skills.
Wikipedia defines pornography as “the depiction of explicit sexual subject matter for the purposes of sexual excitement.” While no doubt viewing the videos described above can provide sexual excitement to the viewer, I think there can be little doubt that images of women performing cunnilingus on other women also perform an educational purpose (cf.). To repeat the point mentioned above, “cunnilingus is not a natural skill that every man and lesbian is born with. Cunnilingus is a learned skill.” I think educating the population, men and women alike, on the best ways to give women sexual pleasure is an entirely legitimate activity. Long ago, sex was viewed exclusively as a procreative function. Surely now it is entirely legitimate to view it as a perfectly legitimate recreation as well. To speak in purely practical terms, it costs nothing, adds no calories, and even burns off a few! To paraphrase the old Miller commercial [check out the ladies here (just a typical scene in the local restaurant district ;-)], it “Feels great and is less filling!” (Maybe those ladies could agree on that.) By the way, here is a question for the legal types: Why should it be legal to print, publish, and distribute information on how to, say, perform cunnilingus, but apparently not legal, at least not fully legal, to view videos which may quite properly be viewed as showing or demonstrating, rather than just describing, how to perform cunnilingus?

Personal Notes

2009-06-28-Great-Legs
When I see a woman with great legs, I just want to wrap those legs around my neck and beg her to tutor me in exactly what she wants, what will make her the happiest (hopefully something I can do for her). (In that situation) I just want to turn my mind off and put her in total control over my motions. She is the teacher, I am the humble and ignorant student, who has no prior knowledge of what she will teach me. Afterwards I will ask for my grade (I always liked taking courses and improving and enhancing my skills), and for any suggestions dear teacher has for future improvement. Remember, practice makes perfect.
2009-07-17-Setting-the-Mood
I wonder how many couples find that sharing a nice glass of wine together is the perfect way to get in a nice relaxed mood. Too, for the person giving the cunnilingus, an occasional sip of wine may provide a nice break and restore his or her energies. And for the woman, might it be a positive experience for her to kick back after a long day with a glass of wine in one hand and simultaneously a sensitive tongue stimulating her, as she desires, giving her a respite, some rest and relaxation, from the cares and worries of her day? So many women spend so much of their day trying to please others, on call to others, often driven by an unforgiving schedule, surely they deserve some time each day when they become the center of attention, the one to be pleased and catered to, and given the luxury of setting their own schedule. I mean, hey, what are guys for? :-)

Videos

See the fun almost-cunnilingus scene starting at 5:15 in the following video! Wonder if any ladies would enjoy making a video which goes all the way? !

Illustrations

In conclusion, some suggestive :-) illustrations: Édouard-Henri [Paul] Avril (He’s quite the artist for sexual positions!) For something even more exotic (a group), click here. From a modern artist (“Seedfeeder”) (Google)
Tis Better to Give Than to Receive It’s a treasure to give pleasure Give some pleasure today :-)
It is useful to have a clear picture of her anatomy, to bear in mind as you read advice on how to perform cunnilingus. Also, women may benefit from such a detailed image, as it may give them ideas on what to suggest their cunnilingers do :-)

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